TODAY I went to work - there's nothing particularly remarkable about that in the grand scheme of things, of course.
Except that it was actually quite a big step for me. Things haven't been going so well recently and I have slipped back into old habits.
My propensity to panic had never really gone away - but, since March, I had become so overwhelmed that I felt powerless to stop a series of attacks which have debilitated me.
There were three notable occurrences one after another, each one hitting me harder than the last. Basically, I was back to square one, exactly how I felt before I went to Thailand.
Once again, I sought professional help and, I am not ashamed to admit for the first time that I accepted the need to take a regular anti-depressant drug.
Additionally, I was signed off work for six weeks from the start of April, and I am on a waiting list for another bout of therapy.
But, as a good friend pointed out, taking drugs and attending therapy will only get me so far, and some concrete changes to my lifestyle will be required.
Indeed, the time off work - other than driving me up the wall in sheer boredom, hence my early return - has led me to reappraise my life somewhat. I found plenty of room for improvement.
For example, I was drinking far too much - not necessarily heavily on each occasion but regularly (almost every night) and then there were weekend binges on top.
My diet and intake of food also needs to be reviewed, I think, and there are other issues like a total lack of self-esteem which I would rather not comment on further in a public forum.
The only other one to mention for now, relevant to this blog, is that I spend far too much time on the internet when I could be doing other more productive things.
Consequently, after more than four years and over 400 posts, this is going to be my final entry on TheIntrepidReporter blog.
Before I go, though, and without wishing to appear vainglorious, I would like to put on record just how immensely proud I am of this blog.
It may have lost its original purpose sometime ago but that has not left it any less fun updating what has been a fairly eventful few years.
After all, since I started in 2009, there has been a change in government here in the UK but more of the same in the United States, scandal in the national media and decline in the local press.
In sport, I have celebrated the biggest party of my lifetime last summer; not just one England victory in the Ashes - but two; and I have recounted how the favourites won the most recent editions of the football, cricket and rugby World Cup. In golf, Europe has won the Ryder Cup - again not just once but twice - while, in tennis, Andy Murray became Britain's first male Grand Slam winner for 76 years.
Meanwhile, my beloved Newcastle United have been relegated, promoted, thumped the mackems, got back in Europe, and horrendously got thumped back by the mackems. Still, it is reassuring to know that life is rarely dull at St James Park.
In all probability, there have not been nearly enough posts on this blog about my personal situation. My struggle to pass my driving test was fairly well-documented and there was a touch here and there about my impressions of the Glastonbury Festival and the Blaydon Races, for example.
But so little has changed in my life over the last four years that it actually seemed unworthy of comment. I am no nearer the journalism industry now when I started the blog, but that is not something which I wish to lament here.
Instead, I hope - and indeed must optimistically expect, that one day I shall look back on these moments as the toughest of my life, and then perhaps wonder why I had to put myself through so much.
This is an ongoing battle which will ultimately define me as a person in the long term, an internal conflict which I simply must not lose. And I am determined I will not.
Thanks for reading.
INDEX 2013
Index 2012 Index 2011
24.04 Index 2013
MEDIA/POLITICS
Home
09.01 Halfway to hell?
25.01 Cameron offers a way out of Europe
31.01 Out of bounds
01.03 Eastleigh stays loyal to the Lib Dems as Tories fall third
20.03 Budget 2013: Osborne yet to get Britain going
20.03 Cameron brokers long-awaited press regulation deal
10.04 Thatcher dies but her politics live on
Abroad
22.01 Hope springs eternal for Obama
12.03 Falklanders overwhelmingly opt to stay British
SPORT
FOOTBALL
Domestic
05.01 The Season 2012/13: Van Persie puts Man United "halfway" to title
05.01 FA Cup Third Round: Cup of woe continues for Newcastle
26.01 FA Cup Fourth Round: Man United on the box again
24.02 League Cup Final: Swansea sweep aside Bradford dream
28.02 Oh, when the Heed went marching in!
International
06.02 England beat the Samba Boys to mark FA anniversary
12.02 African Cup of Nations: Nigeria return to Nations Cup summit
27.03 World Cup qualifiers: England stutter while Scotland fall first
OTHER
Cricket
05.03 England receive Kiwi wake up call
26.03 England make yet another great escape
Cycling
18.01 Retired Cooke lances the boil
Grand National
06.04 Channel 4 takes up the Grand National reins
06.04 Auroras Encore lights up the Grand National
Rugby Union
02.02 Six Nations: All to play for
Snooker
20.04 World Snooker: O'Sullivan celebrates successful re-launch (results only)
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